Dear Blog, I have abused you this year. I just looked back and realized I have not addressed you since the beginning of this school year. This may be a testament to the brutality of the school year, or it may be a testament to the brutality of my life this past year, either way there has not been much I have felt comfortable writing down in a public venue. Oh how I wish I had a private place to dump my feelings that was at the same time safe and private and also public/anonymous so that I could get support from complete strangers. It has been a hard 6 months.
But in this 6 months of hardship, of being away from my husband, of biting clinicals and horrifyingly bad tests and care plans I learned that I am not a weak person. I also learned that true love conquers all. That love the comes from a source not within our selves is the only true love and is capable of bringing about healing in the worst of situations. I learned that I am a very fallible human, weak to my very core. My husband realized that he cannot, in fact, live his life or take one breath without me. It has been good/bad/ugly and finally redeeming. And that was just October.
Now I am in the homestretch and I live my life for those 6 hour plane rides that take me back to my lover and best friend. It took us 16 years but amazingly, I finally have this man in my life who knows what unconditional love is. He has come to realize that he cannot breathe without me. It is crushing to know this. I feel like a giddy school girl every time I see him. Recently before I left for a flight back to the mainland we were clinging to each other at the airport and I was pretty upset when I got on the plane and a woman asked me how long it would be before I saw my boyfriend again, and how long we had been together. When I replied that it was my husband and we had been married almost 16 years her jaw dropped. She couldn't believe that people who had been married that long could have such an intense love and connection. The truth is, it never has to go away. God means for us to love for a lifetime and I believe we can and should. It's about priorities. It takes work. Yes we fight but they never last for long. I hate being mad at him. It ruins everything.
I am so ready to be done and be with him and start our life. I hate being in this holding pattern.
*sigh* Trials and tribulation make us grow. I know this. But I think I am done growing for a bit.
But in this 6 months of hardship, of being away from my husband, of biting clinicals and horrifyingly bad tests and care plans I learned that I am not a weak person. I also learned that true love conquers all. That love the comes from a source not within our selves is the only true love and is capable of bringing about healing in the worst of situations. I learned that I am a very fallible human, weak to my very core. My husband realized that he cannot, in fact, live his life or take one breath without me. It has been good/bad/ugly and finally redeeming. And that was just October.
Now I am in the homestretch and I live my life for those 6 hour plane rides that take me back to my lover and best friend. It took us 16 years but amazingly, I finally have this man in my life who knows what unconditional love is. He has come to realize that he cannot breathe without me. It is crushing to know this. I feel like a giddy school girl every time I see him. Recently before I left for a flight back to the mainland we were clinging to each other at the airport and I was pretty upset when I got on the plane and a woman asked me how long it would be before I saw my boyfriend again, and how long we had been together. When I replied that it was my husband and we had been married almost 16 years her jaw dropped. She couldn't believe that people who had been married that long could have such an intense love and connection. The truth is, it never has to go away. God means for us to love for a lifetime and I believe we can and should. It's about priorities. It takes work. Yes we fight but they never last for long. I hate being mad at him. It ruins everything.
I am so ready to be done and be with him and start our life. I hate being in this holding pattern.
*sigh* Trials and tribulation make us grow. I know this. But I think I am done growing for a bit.
Missed you girl! Great post! :) Here's to persevering through trials and tribulations and to seeing loved ones!
ReplyDeleteI love your heart.
ReplyDelete