Only 13 more days of school left...

Now I actually have 4 WEEKS of school to attend but in those 4 weeks, thirteen days of school.

Wow that went by really REALLY fast. I hope the next two years goes by just as quickly. Or do I?

Sometimes I stop and think about how I wish this had been my life when I was 18 years old. I mean, I wouldn't trade my life and my kids for anything but a part of me regrets not having had this experience when I was young. Of course I would never have done it then because A) I was convinced I was a dummy and B) I was under the impression that debt was the devil and so I would not have gone to college because there was no money for college so....vicious circle. It's too late to wonder about the might have beens. But I sure could have done this a long long time ago and I should have.

I can almost taste that day when I walk across that stage, wearing my cap and gown and receive my diploma...I want it to be here and then again...I don't want it to end all at the same time. That moment is going to be so sweet but it is over with so quickly (relatively, graduation takes four hours, LOL!!) I can't wait to be Ronna, BSN. I always thought it was pompous to put that on a name tag before, but you can bet your bottom dollar it will be on mine.

I will have earned every single letter.

Hey that's Coincidence with a "J"

So is it coincidence that my Neurologist gives me some name brand samples of my migraine medication and the migraine that I have had for two weeks immediately resolves over night?

I think not.

She called my insurance company in a last ditch effort to appeal their denial of the name brand medication and told them all of the things I have tried and failed and the situation I am now facing and they told her exactly how to appeal. So, fingers crossed, I am hoping they will cover the cost of the name brand med and I can get my life back.

Cause this is no Joeincidence.

Low blood sugar sucks

I don't know if you have ever had low blood sugar but as a frequent suffer of this ailment I can assure you it is no picnic. One minute you feel fine, the next you feel like you are going to pass out, puke, shake apart and die all at the same time. All of this followed quickly by a raging migraine for me. A normal fasting blood sugar should be anywhere from 80 to 100 dl. Mine will frequently fall down below 60 dl which is approaching a critical low. It's an uncomfortable feeling, It often happens within a couple hours of a meal which is frustrating. It is frightening when I do not have any fast acting carbs on hand (I try and keep some glucose handy at all times).

It happened tonight, just a few minutes ago. One second I am fine, the next, all of my muscles feel like they are about to seize up on me. Uh oh...grab the glucometer and BAM. Blood sugar of 62. If I had waited 10 minutes it would have been in the 40's. I grabbed the honey jar and quickly spooned in two heaping tablespoons of honey and grabbed a glass of milk and I am now eating eggs and toast for the protein. Protein helps to maintain the sugar levels longer. I hope that I don't wake up with a low in the middle of the night. They ususally come in clusters. This could be a long night. I wish I could get in to see an endocrinologist but in this town, unless you are diabetic you are out of luck. Hypoglycemia doesn't count.

20 minute recheck puts me at 88 dl which is much better. Maybe I will be able to sleep. Please God, let me sleep tonight...

Waiting to hear about my nursing school application is like being at tribal council....for eternity.

It has now been nine and a half weeks since I turned in my application for nursing school and still, nothing. Not a whisper, not a stirring, nothing. I have never felt so in limbo in my LIFE. I had an actual full blown panic attack the other day in statistics class, between this, and some other life stuff that is going on. A friend asked how I was doing and when I tried to talk to her about it, I found that I actually could not breathe.

I met with my nursing school adviser today who assures me that I am a shoo in (all the while making contingency plans for the fall). I can't buy into her words. I need to see the proof. If she were on the committee perhaps I would be more comforted but alas, she is not.

So here I sit. Finally comfortable in a math class (statistics of all things), hating my philosophy class, indifferent about my english class, feeling reeeeeeaaaallllyy out of place in my sociology class (if I were 18 perhaps I would be wide eyed enough for that stuff) and really, really despising my speech class. I feel for that old man, none of the 18 year olds in there take the subject matter seriously. And they are the ones who really need it.

My back, if it were a road map, would tell a story of the stress in my life. And my neck. I haven't run in almost 2 weeks because of the constant migraine.

Please, please won't you just tell us? In or out. Either way. Just stop this madness and end the torture. I have better things to do with my life than feel like Jeff Probst is about to enter my living room any second and say, "The Tribe Has Spoken."

Insurance companies are evil

I could never be in the insurance industry. I don't know how those people sleep at night. We pay millions of dollars into an industry that then toys with us and decides what we get in the way of benefits. (Or in my case, my husband serves his country for 25 years and then the government decides what is "good enough" for us).

I have to take a medication for migraines everyday. This medication literally saved my life. It keeps the monster in my head at bay and only lets it out on special occasions (like when I am super stressed or when I eat bad foods). I love this medication. Recently, this drug went generic and my insurance decided that it would only pay for the generic version.

I panicked.

I am in the middle of a semseter and it took 8 years of trial and error to find this medication so I am understandably reticent about taking this newcomer. Even my neurologist was unimpressed, she had not had good luck so far with the generic. But, I had no choice. It was take the generic or pay $300 a month for the name brand. So, generic is was.

It.Does.Not.Work. The monster in my head is having a heyday.

My neurologist filed for an exception with the insurance for the name brand and it was denied. Despite my having tried and failed all other medications out there. Despite the fact that since I have been on the generic I have suffered almost daily migraines, and when on the name brand I might have 2 migraines a month. Despite that fact that the difference in price between the generic and the name brand is only thirty dollars...They don't care. Generic it is.

Suffer I will.

A new beginning

*tap tap tap* Hmmm, it's been a while since I did this blog thing. But I have missed having a place to write down my thoughts and vent my stuff and share the good parts of my day. And so here I am again.

Where is here? Almost 42 years old and a college sophomore, hoping to obtain my BSN in the next two years. Some days it is harder than others. I wonder why I waited so long to do this now that I am actually here. I was terrified of this process but now that I am actually in the middle of it, it's not nearly as bad as I thought it would be.

I hope you are a good friend my blog. Lord knows I need a place to just let it all out every now and then.

Ok, English lit/poetry awaits. I hope I can find some meaning in poetry...so far not feeling it. Ugh.