December 17th.

That was the date of my last entry.  This may give you an idea of how this semester has gone.  Ca-razy busy.  I cannot believe it is April 2nd already.  Only three weeks of classtime left, four weeks of school if you include finals and last clinical days and I will have year one under my belt.  It has been the most stressful year of my life. 

So much has happened in the past few months including a decision for Allen to move to Maui this summer to take a great job.  While this will be great in the long term, it will be really hard over the next year.  I am going to spend the summer with him (while I do summer school, yay. At least it's Maui...). And then I am going to Africa for 2 weeks for the culmination of my environmental health class.   When I come back from Africa I will have exactly 2 weeks and school will start up again.  It will be 5 months before I get to see my dear husband again.  It has been 6 years since we were last apart this long and I am not relishing it.  At least I will have school to keep me busy.

And keep me busy it does.  I try and take at least one day a week and just do nothing, but I pay dearly for that one day.  If I don't take it however, I quickly become a crispy burnt out nursing student.  What am I saying.  I am a crispy burnt out nursing student.  This one day just allows me to revive a few brain cells.  Yesterday I napped for 5 hours.  This was longer than I slept for either of the two nights before. 

I am too old for this. 

I keep envisioning myself at the beach with a good book and a cold beer.  This will help me to make it through the next few weeks. 

I hope I make it here before another three months has passed.  I make no promises.  I will however post pictures from Maui and Africa.  They promise to be spectacular :)

<3 you all !

*tap tap tap* This thing still work??

Well HELLO THERE!

I've just been reading through the past 6 months of blog posts here on my own lovely little blog and realizing that I have no life outside of school.  This is a very sad statement of affairs.

It also makes me realize how fortunate I am to be in a place where I am able to attend school at my age, and not have to work at the same time.  Lord knows I would not be able to do this.  Right now, I am looking forward to the next 4 weeks off, with no school work (a first for me.  In the past three years I have not gone 4 weeks without school).  I am going to spend them pestering my husband and hugging on him since he will be moving to Pullman and we will only see each other on the weekends come January. This is a lose/win situation.  The lose is obvious.  Hubster will be an hour and a half away all week.  The win is that I will not have the pressure of being a wife during the week.  It is so hard to play both roles, wife and nursing student.  (And let's not forget mom and Yaya.) I feel so bad all the time because I end up neglecting my family so that I can be a good student.  It will be better for us if I can concentrate on school and then be happy to see him when he comes home on the weekends. 

This semester has been b.r.u.t.a.l.  School 5 days a week with little break during the day and then homework til all hours.  I am so wiped out I can't even think straight.  Hopefully next semester will be a little better...but somehow I don't think it gets any easier.  I will only have two days of class time and perhaps 2 days of clinical, maybe 1 depending on the length of the clinical.  But I believe the workload will be greater.  And those two days are 10 hour straight through days.  No breaks, just 10 minutes between 2-3 hour classes.  UGH.  I've said it before and I'll say it again.  Nursing school isn't for sissies. 

I got an iPad for next semester.  I'm going to get the majority of my books on it and take my notes there to decrease the strain on my neck and shoulders.  No backpack!  Hopefully this will allow the my neck to heal up some and my left arm to come back to life.  I am ready to have it not be numb and tingling all the time.  I am IN LOVE with my iPad. Between that and my iPhone, I am ready to kick all non Apple electronics to the curb.  I think my next computer purchase will be macintosh for SURE.  Love Love Love.

We are in for more snow tonight.  We had the snowiest November on record...and it all came during the last week of the month!  It was ca-razy.  You all know how I feel about snow.  I am ready for summer already.  Hmmm.  Well that's not going to happen.  Oy.  I keep looking at my pics from last summer and pretending it's just around the corner.  It gets me through the cold days. 

Ok, I have to go get ready for the Gonzaga Faculty Christmas party.  Our last one ever.  Hopefully it will be lots of fun!!

Merry Christmas to you all :)

~Ronna

Of visits home, school and panic attacks.

I had a visit home last weekend.  It was the nicest escape from reality I have had for quite a while.  And I really did escape.  I went golfing with a couple of friends one morning and just goofed off like I didn't have a care in the world.  I played with my grandbabies.  I watched my nephew play college baseball for the first time since he started college (he is a senior).   I spent much needed time with my daughter.  I got to play mousetrap with my sister and Emma.  I just chilled.

Well for the most part.  There were the nights where I locked myself in my room and studied (one night until 2 am) but for the most part I just enjoyed being home and not spending the entire weekend consumed by school. 

When I was driving home I spent an inordinate amount of time shopping the outlet malls on the west side of the mountains.  I hate shopping.  Especially for winter clothes.  But shop I did.  For 5 hours. 

When I finally got on the road and started to crest the pass to Eastern WA, I had a full blown panic attack.  Crying, couldn't breathe, felt like I was going to throw up.  What the heck? 

I have been dealing with a ridiculous amount of stress at school, not all of it related to school work.  I'm not going to elaborate on a public venue, I will just say that I was put in a position that I should never have been put in and I was not able to get out of it and it was pressing me to the floor.  I had no idea how badly it was effecting me until I tried to drive home.  And nearly couldn't. 

So what did I do?  I phoned a friend.  They were able to calm me down and at the end of the call I was laughing and able to drive the rest of the way home with some perspective and a determination to deal with the BS and make all of this better.

Which I did, finally.  Yesterday.  I am less stressed today, in some ways.  More in others.  My grades are not what I want.  I am frustrated by that.  I had a goal of graduating with honors and I see that slipping away in a cloud of 22 credits and B- grades.  I am taking a huge class load and it is too much.  No matter how much I hate summer school I won't do this again.  It's just too hard. 

I'm just so tired.  I never knew how hard all of this go go go would be.  7 hour straight classes followed by hours of homework.  I am trying to be present for my family but I spend the majority of my time sitting right here.  In this very seat. I am surprised my butt is not shaped like this chair.  Or my seat at school.  I am not actually sure if I am tired, or just tired of school.  Probably both.  I am so ready for Christmas break.  I honestly do not even care if I leave my house for 3 straight weeks. 

I need to find the happy here.  It's in here somewhere.  I just need to remember how to navigate to it. 

I am surrounded by books and concept maps, chocolate and red wine.

I really want to whine and moan and complain.  But instead I am going to say that I am studying hard.  Eating too much.  Drinking my share of red wine and eating my way through a bag of mini chocolate chips.  It helps with the stress. 

It's almost mid term.  How. Did. That. Happen.

I'm sorry I am a neglectful blogger.  But you see, if you could catch a glimpse of my desk you would understand.  I promise to resurface someday...

~R

Well Hello There

It's been a while.  I have been so busy with...well SCHOOL stuff that I have kind of forgotten that I have this little thing called a blog.

And I have about 2.5 seconds to tell you that:

A) not much has changed.  My life is still nutso

B) I am sick, which makes school harder.

C) My pediatric clinical experience has been puncutated by a lice outbreak which pretty much freaked me out.  Lice, are disgusting and I keep jumping every time I feel itchy.

I can't really talk about my clinicals other than to say they are pretty much a yawn this semester and school is pretty much just busy work intended to kill my spirit.  I have 12 weeks left in this semester and I am hoping each one of them flies by as quickly as the past 4 has because, seriously.  I am going to be a blithering idiot before too long. 

Ok, I need to take my illness to bed.  TTFN

So the beginning of my day was awesome...

But the end of my day kind of sucked. 

This morning I went to my physical fitness class at 5:30 am knowing that everyone else would be taking a test of their ability to run 2 miles, do push ups and sit ups...and I would probably be failing this test miserably.  I have a pulled hamstring and a torn rotator cuff so pushups are a no go, and as for sit ups, well I can do SIT UP.  As in one, the "proper military way" (hands behind head etc).  When I got there my instructor said to me, "What time does the gym open?" and I said, "6:00." and he said, "See ya." I was STOKED because I really didn't want to risk reinjuring my hamstring when it was just getting back in shape.  So I went to the gym and worked my butt off on the climbing/gliding machine that I love so much for 30 minutes until I couldn't go another second.  After that I went to weigh in and made weight (thankyouverymuch) and proceeded to shower and spend the next 7 straight hours in class.  After all that I checked my email and there was an email from one of the cadre members basically chewing me out for having "skipped out on the PT test".  He was nice enough about it be the end result was clear, I was shamming and he didn't like it. 

It made me cry. 

I wrote him back and explained the situation to him.  It made me feel like crap because I have been working so hard to get in shape and then he acts like I am just playing around at this and not taking it seriously.  Really?  I pulled my hamstring trying to keep up with the freaking freshmen who were doing sprints after standing outside in the freezing cold.  My muscles were not warm and I ended up injured.  Hmm.  And get this, he is not even my instructor.

I will not let this get me down.  I will continue to persevere.  But it made me mad.  And now I have to go play nice with everyone (including this person) at a barbeque because *oh yes* my husband works with them. 

Game face on.  I can do this. 

And just you wait Cpt. Poop Head.  I will show YOU.  You cannot rain on my parade and get away with it for long. 

Tomorrow...

Clinicals start.

I am oddly nervous.  Why am I nervous?  This is all old hat to me.

Maybe because this signals the start of the new reality in my life.   
Ronna P. BSN 

I always thought those letters were so pretentious.  But now?  Now I can't wait to sign my nursing notes with those three little letters.  Sometimes I don't know why I waited so long.  Sometimes I can't believe I was so afraid of this. I had every excuse in the book as for why I didn't finish school.  But the truth was, I was scared to death that I didn't have it in me.  Some days I still feel that way, but it's just the lack of sleep talking.  When I close my eyes all I can see is me, in a blue cap and gown (and honor cord around my neck), walking across that stage with a HUGE smile on my face.

That is what gets me out of bed and to school every day.  613 more wake ups and I will be there.